Life lately

This pictures has nothing to do with the post except that I am rocking a double chin, hello infertility drugs! I am really trying to lose the last 25 pounds but it is not going so well.  But Adam looks handsome as always. This was taken when we attended the Sunday morning session of General Conference.

Life has been a little crazy. I have not updated things here in a while.

Let's start with May. Adam was called as second counselor in the Bishopric for our ward. It was a whirlwind of crazy and I think we are finally getting used to things. He is doing a great job. We also celebrated his 29th birthday. Next year....30 folks!

June. Girl's Camp! It was a fantastic camp this year and we had a pretty good sized group. We went from 10 my first year to almost 20 for my third year. Camp was held up at Heber Valley Girl's Camp. Cabins, showers and running water, yep we are girls! I also celebrated my golden birthday on the 28th, which happened to be the day we returned from camp. So we didn't do anything exciting but I was happy to be home with my hubby.

July. Fireworks, barbecues and late summer nights under the stars. I think there most be a reason I love July so much!

August. Adam and I celebrated our 7th anniversary. I can't believe we have been married that long, I am old. Youth Conference was this month. It was exhausting but a great last hurrah with my YW. It was also really nice to have the hubby join the fun.

September. I was release as YW president at the beginning of September. I guess I can't have that big of a calling with Adam in the Bishopric. It was definitely bittersweet and I am still trying to make the adjustment. I love those girls so much but I know that they will be in good hands.

October. I love October! Halloween is my absolute favorite holiday.
- Candy                                                   
- Dressing up as someone else               
- Haunted Houses
- Halloween movies
- Decorating (I need to get this done) How are we half way through October and I don't have any decorations up?

Such a boring post but that is where we are at in life right now. I am just trying to get back in the mode of having free nights during the week to do what ever I want. Lately it has consisted of reading books, doing laundry, cleaning the house and working on my craft room.

Catch some Zzzz's

Would you look at this bed? Does this not make you want to just crawl in and take a long nap?

 or how about this one....

or this one..........

SLEEP!

Sleep makes me VERY happy! I went to bed last night at 10:00 like an old lady and now today....

I. am. exhausted! So for today Sleep will make me happy. Is it weird if I go to bed at 7:30 tonight?

 

              I would love for this to be today

 

but alas work is calling. If you are looking to do something with me tonight you are welcome to come over in your pajamas because I will be in mine.

Here's to catching some Zzzzz's tonight!

 

 

Happy

Happiness.

Isn't that what we are all searching for?

Why aren't we happy?

Or why, when we are happy is it only for a brief glimpse and then we are back to where we started?

I know many people are happy and find joy in their daily life, but I have noticed that for most it is something we have to work so hard for, that we have to push ourselves just to find that small sliver that truly makes us happy.

I don't want to just try to find happiness anymore. I want to BE happy.

I am going to do my very best to find happiness and joy in my everyday journey. Is it going to hard? Of course! But I know it will make a huge impact in my life and maybe those around me. Plus anything worth having in life takes work.

I have been stuck in a slump lately. I have been sad. I have been depressed and I have been in a dark spot for a really long time. I want out!  There are things that I am sad about that I know won't just go away but maybe if I concentrate on the great things in my life they won't be as debilitating.
I know some of the things that are causing me turmoil are not going to just going to magically disappear and some of it may never go away but I am going to try my best to figure out better ways to cope than what I have been doing.

I am going to share some of the things that truly bring me happiness on this here blog and maybe, just maybe being able to continually reflect on those things will help me find the joy and light I crave so badly. Anyone want to join me? Silly or serious what makes you happy? Where do you find your joy and contentment?

If you post it on your blog let me know. I would love to read it!

This week

I had a hard time the last couple of days all because I happened to look at the calendar on Monday and realized what day it was.

August 5th will always be a hard day for me.

Two years ago on August 5th was when I had my miscarriage.

I know it sounds crazy for me to still feel sadness and anger two years later and especially because I wasn't very far along when it happened, but the pain is still there. Of course it is getting better with time. I just can't help think that we were pregnant at one time and what if that was our only chance to have a baby and my body betrayed me again? Does that make me sound crazy?


On a happier note Adam and I will be enjoying a four day weekend with each other to celebrate 7 years of wedded bliss!! I am so looking forward to the time we will have off together, even if we don't do anything major, just have that time just the two of us is enough for me.

Last weekend we were able to go with some of our best friends and head up to Jeremy Ranch for a couple days, it was just what we needed. Here are some pictures of the amazing house we had an opportunity to stay in, it was fantastic!

Theater Room



Main Family Room



Basement



Basement Family Room



One of the decks (beautiful view)



One of the bedrooms. (each bedroom had it's own bathroom)



                       

Loft (there were four twin beds, three bunk beds with full beds on the bottom)



More theater room



Adam on the deck

We spent most of our time eating way too much yummy food, shopping and watching movies. I would love to do it again.

That is just a brief update of the happenings in the Nicholes family. How's that for a random blog post.

Just because

Just because I am tired, I think I will go to Holiday and get a big fountain Coke (I might be addicted for the summer)

Just because I love my calling, I have put more hours and thought than I can count into Girl's Camp and now it is only a few days away. 4 days to be exact...eeek!

Just because I love my Young Women like my own daughters or maybe little sisters, I think about them all the time, I worry about them, pray for them and cry for/with them. Best group of girls ever!

Just because the air conditioner either works too well or not at all in my office, I keep a sweatshirt on hands at all times. Right now it is working too well so on with the hoodie!

Just because I love that man of mine, I bought him cake bites from Sweet Tooth Fairy last night, but he will only eat the Fairyfetti ones....boring!

Just because I might love the show, I am going home to watch my DVR episodes Pretty Little Liars season 4 since I just finished season 3. Talk about a guilty pleasure.

Just because I want children so badly, I will find a way to afford our next step at the doctor's and try to keep my faith.

Just because we are moving to a new office building in two weeks, I am going to clean up my desk...... maybe

Just because I have too many items pinned on Pinterest, I am going to try to find time for a girls craft night or at least try to make time to complete a project or try a new recipe

Just because we all need a good laugh and I probably should go on a diet....

 

 

Just because I believe in balance, some inspiration.....



Just because I don't know what else to say I am going to end it here. 

Books

Today is not a good day so I am going to share a post that I have had sitting in my drafts so that I can post something happy.........   


Can I just tell you how much I Love bookstores?! I did work in one for almost 5 years but working in one and shopping in one, it is not quite the same. I could probably spend a whole day (full 24 hours) just browsing and buying book after book. I love walking into bookstores and smelling all of those new books mixed with the aroma of coffee, it is one of the most fantastically (is that a word?) wonderful things to me. I adore picture books and even at 28 I can still spend hours flipping through and reading them. If I had the room I would probably have a few bookcases just devoted to picture books.

       Growing up I wasn't much of a reader but when I found a book I loved I would devour it, reading as quickly as I could to find out what happened next. I did however, love going to the library and being able to have my own library card that allowed me to check out any book I wanted.

            I didn't always care for the books we had to read in Elementary school but to this day I still love "Mr. Popper's Penguins," "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory," "Mrs. Piggle Wiggle,"

 "Wayside school" (both books), "Number the Stars", "Holes," "The Giver," and the list goes on and on. All of those are from my elementary school days, maybe it was because I had some awesome teachers when we read those specific books.  

In junior high my love of books really started to grow. We read "To Kill a Mockingbird"

in one of my English classes and to this day it is still one of my favorite books to read over and over. “Miss Jean Louise, stand up. Your father's passin'," still gets me all choked up. I will admit some books we read in school were highly disappointing but some of the classics are ones I actually enjoyed. Othello, The Importance of Being Earnest, The Great Gatsby, etc, etc.

      The thing about me and books is that I love the look of hardbound books but when it comes right down to it I would rather have a paperback book that is a little tattered and worn from being well loved and used. I know some people like to keep their books in pristine condition but to me a worn book is an enjoyed book. My paperback books are always creased on my favorite parts or marked up from what ever English class I had to read it in, the spine might be wearing down from being thrown in a bag just in case I might need to read it where ever I am. I love LOVE sales at libraries (I haven't been to one in a while), because I love the thought that a worn out book that I am buying was loved and read by so many people. Someday I suppose I should replace some of my books but I don't think I will ever get rid of those that are falling apart with taped spines, that show they have been put to good use, too many memories. I have a long list of books that I still need to buy for my collection and some that need to be replaced but all that means is another trip to the book store and maybe a bigger bookshelf.....

 

Thank you!

Can I just say wow?! I knew Adam and I had great friends and family but wow!
I just wanted to take a minute to give all of you that have read this little blog the last week, a BIG HUGE THANK YOU!

When I decided to post for a whole week about infertility I never expected the response we received. I initially wanted to post an update to those that read my blog about where we are at in our treatment. I also wanted to share some thoughts and feelings to help any of those who might be struggling with their own infertility. I wasn't sure what else to share but then I had the thought, why not share a husband's perspective? Boy, am I sure glad I did! I wasn't sure if Adam would want to share or if he would think I was being silly, but I sure love that man of mine! Who better to share experience from the guy's point of view then my own husband who has been there for the past 3 1/2 years figuring out this infertility thing with me?

I am just so grateful for all of the loving and supportive comments that we received. I didn't know what to expect from this last week. To be honest I figured that no one would really read or even comment on anything but I knew that it was important for me to share. I wanted to tell all of you that my strength is renewed, because of you! I still don't know when we will start treatments again but I know that we will figure it out somehow and that we will have the love and support we need along the way. I can't promise you that my posts will all be cheerful and hopeful when it comes to our infertility but they will be honest and heartfelt.

I had another post lined up for Infertility Awareness week but I decided not to post it and will probably save it for another day because how can I follow up such a great post from Adam?

This post is all over the place but I just wanted to make sure I got on here and told you all how much Adam and I love and appreciate the kind words and prayers on our behalf. You have been in my prayers and will continue to be.

I also want to add how important I think it is to not feel like infertility is a taboo thing. It is a sickness, a real thing that I think needs to be discussed. Of course some people aren't comfortable sharing those thing with anyone but close family and friends and that's ok. Just know if you are going through infertility, things are a lot better when you find someone to talk and share with. When we first started on this journey I wasn't sure what I wanted to share but after talking to different people it was comforting for me to know that I was definitely not alone in this struggle. So here we are 3 1/2 years later and I am glad that I decided to share and will continue to share our experiences.

Thank you again!