Right in front of me

Isn't it amazing how when you are struggling every once in a while what you need is right in front of you.

I try not to discuss religion or get preachy on my blog too often but this is one of those times that I know I am not the only one that can benefit from this.

I attended the General Relief Society Meeting at our stake center this past Saturday, there were some amazing talks but the one talk that really stood out to me was President Uchtdorf's.

He talked about the little flower: Forget-Me-Nots and I will post a link to his entire talk as soon as it is available, but for now here are the basics.

* Forget not to be patient with yourself
* Forget not the difference between good and foolish sacrifices
* Forget not to be happy now
* Forget not the why of the Gospel
* Forget not that the Lord loves you

All of these points I think I had been lacking in my life in one way or another. How complicated yet how simple all of these things are. I left that conference feeling like I had a new out-look on life and the realization that I needed to make some changes for me!



That talk along with this saying (below) that I found today have helped me feel better about life and know that these trials I am having are to make me better and to make me stronger. Even though I may feel like a dark cloud is hanging over me, I know the sun is shining on the other side and it is just waiting to break through.

"God is just making the joys of parenthood sweeter for you by introducing you to the heartache early. Each anxiety we experience produces a greater appreciation for the wonderment that precious children bring into our lives."

Flashback featuring Barbie

If any of you talk to my husband will you tell him that I want this

If you don't know what Barbie that is shame, shame. It is Barbie from Barbie and the Rockers. I saw this doll in the toy store a while back and what a blast from the past. I LOVED Barbie and the Rockers. I watched the movies, I read the books I wanted big huge hair like Barbie had. Oh how I wanted to play a guitar and start a band with my friends.

It makes me laugh that all of these things from my childhood are kind of making a comeback but at the same time I love it!!Happy Friday!

My Struggle continued....

Today is a hard day I am not sure why but it is. I have debated on posting this for a few weeks, it is a little personal plus a little TMI.

I had mentioned a few weeks ago about a struggle that Adam and I had faced but I didn't say exactly what it was. If you haven't already guessed I will share with you.

It was Monday August 1st and I was getting ready to leave for Girl's Camp. I had been feeling a little off and I wondered if maybe this month could be our month. After 19 months of trying could we finally be pregnant? I couldn't wait until after Girl's Camp so I ran to Walmart early that morning. I made Adam wait in the bathroom with me during the longest 3 minutes of my life. I could not believe it, but it said pregnant! Really truly we were pregnant!! Adam cried (don't tell him I shared that) I cried and then I remember that I was leaving for Girl's camp in a few short minutes. :-(
I took a couple tests up to Girl's camp with me because I just couldn't believe it and I wanted to make sure I was still pregnant. I took it easy up at camp and took a test on Thursday while I was up there... still pregnant.
I came home on Friday and Adam had me take another test just for our piece of mind. It was still positive and we were on cloud 9. I could not believe we were finally going to be parents and be adding to our family. I called and made an appointment with my doctor for September, it was finally feeling real. We spent that night talking about what our baby would look like and how and when we wanted to tell our families. It was an amazing feeling.

Then early Saturday morning I woke up all of a sudden and something told me I something was wrong. All I remember is all of the bright red blood(sorry TMI) I just started crying and knew exactly what was happening. It is all little blurry but I ran into the bedroom and woke Adam up and told him I needed a blessing. He of course jumped out of bed because it was early and his wife was standing there crying. I told him there was a lot of blood and I think that I was having a miscarriage. I don't remember much from the blessing but I remember that it gave me such peace and comfort and as upset as I was at that moment and upset at what was happening I knew that we would make it through. Everything after that is a blur I remember trying to go back to sleep and thinking what did I do wrong? How could I have stopped this? We had only known for 5 days that we were pregnant and we didn't even get a chance to celebrate yet, why was this happening? We have some awesome friends that knew what had happened so they tried to get us out of the house to get our minds off of things. It helped but my mind always came back to the fact that there was no longer a baby growing strong and healthy inside me. We called our moms that night because sometimes you just need mom. We have an awesome support system and I have no doubt that we were in a lot of prayers that night.

I know that a lot of women have miscarriages and a lot have them as early as we did (almost 6 weeks) but it is still one of the hardest things we have ever had to deal with. At least we know now that my body knows what it should be doing and that I can get pregnant. I was an emotional, blubbering mess for a few days, every day got a little easier. It still hurts sometimes but I guess that it has only been a month so I assume that it's normal? I am just trying to stay close to my Heavenly Father and my husband and have faith that when it is supposed to happen we will be blessed with the most perfect, wonderful baby for our family. I am excited for friends and family that have their beautiful healthy babies but it is hard right now to be to happy because it makes me want my own baby. It makes me wonder when our turn will come and I feel that ache to hold our own baby in my arms even more now.

I know that my Father in Heaven has a plan for us and I know that this experience has brought Adam and I closer together. We celebrated our 5 year anniversary not even a week after our miscarriage and I love him more today than the day we said "I Do." Here's to month 21 and maybe we will have some good news to share with all of you someday.

Wow that was a long post, sorry about that.

Just Because

Just because I have a lot of stuff floating around in my head and I am hoping to start posting, but I need to post something since it has been a while. I wanted to share this video with you. I think I may enjoy this more than the original. Happy Tuesday!!