Infertility Awareness

I have not really been sure what to post as of late, I am kind of a boring person. I have tried to avoid posting too much about my infertility because I am sure many of you are as tired of reading about it as I am dealing with it. However, with that being said, Sunday marked the start of infertility awareness week. (April 21-27)

For the next week I would like to:

• Update on where we are at in our infertility
• Share some tips or helpful things when you have a friend or family member dealing with infertility
• Answer any questions that any of you have (my 6 fantastic readers that I love). You can leave a comment or email me. I am pretty much an open book about my infertility stuff now so if you have any questions at all please ask. They don't have to necessarily be questions about my infertility but can be general infertility questions, I will answer the best I can.

I will probably try and update you on all the other goings-on that have nothing to do with infertility, in-between.

Like I said I am not trying to bore you with a my infertility struggles all the time. It is a big part of my life right now so I am still trying to find a good balance. I figured that since it is Infertility Awareness week I will try share my thoughts and feelings, so you can chose to read this week or wait until I get back to blogging about other things. :)

Thank you for reading!

Weekend Recap

Helloooo! I am so proud of myself I have posted three times now in the last week!

I wasn't really sure what to write so I thought I would just do a quick recap of my weekend because I am just super awesome like that.


Friday

Friday work was slow and boring, or maybe I was just tired and I didn't want to do the work I had... I'll let you decide. Friday was also "test" day. Unfortunately it came back negative so we will meet with the doctor next week to see what we do now. Adam and I decided on test day we would make sure to have a date night. We were completely worn out from the week so our date night consisted of Little Caesars pizza and a crappy Red Box movie, but it's about spending time together I guess. :)


Saturday

Was anyone else as excited as I was to see the sun? It was such a beautiful day, so what did we do? We went ice fishing with my dad of course! I actually love ice fishing, maybe even more than regular fishing. It is easy to change location, no snags and the fish are easier to get off the hook since they are a little more lethargic. Last time we went Adam and I each caught one fish, my dad caught nothing. This time my dad and I each caught one fish and Adam caught nothing. I must be a good!



Saturday night we went to Goodwood for some yummy dinner, mostly to make up for the crappy pizza the night before. If you haven't had the Honey Stung chicken sandwich there it is to die for! It is not healthy in the least but who cares, is anything at Goodwood healthy?



Sunday

Sunday was Sunday.

We had my in laws Ashley and Josh plus my nephew Eli out for dinner that night. Sunday nights at our house are Walking Dead nights. We have them out for dinner and then watch the new episode of Walking Dead. I know it sounds boring but I look forward to it every week now. Plus after the show it is dance party time. Eli likes to get his groove on and that two year old has more rhythm than I do. His favorite song is Magic but not B.O.Bs version it has to be Walk Off the Earth. If you want to hear it the video is below. There is a swear word right at the beginning so skip ahead to 15-16 seconds.



Now we are back to work and a new looong week. I realize that post wasn't the most exciting thing but I am trying to get into blogging again so it make take some time to get my sparkling personality back. I hope you all have a great week! I just hope I survive mine.

 

This is kind of a random picture but I really like this one of us. It is from a late Valentine's date we went on a couple weeks ago with some friends to Desert Star Playhouse. Maybe I will have to share some of the other pictures that were taken during intermission but they may kill me.

About me 2.0

So I did a post a while ago with some facts about myself and I thought that might be fun to do again, because I am just that interesting.......ha!

1. I love to rap along with rap songs, regardless of who is in the car or if I know all the words, this is probably highly embarrasing to the hubs. You should hear me white girl rap "Gold Digger" in one  word it is A-MAZ-ING! (Ok that was one long word)

2. I am still figuring out how I could become a wedding planner. I love it! I seriously have the binder I used from my wedding because it was so awesome, if you ever come to my house remind me to show you.

3. There is someone at work who wears so much cologne that I can tell they have arrived for the day just by smell. I am glad that this person wants to smell nice but you do not need to bathe in it.

4. I know I have shared this before but let's revisit it mmmk. I hate, yes I am using a strong word. I hate ground beef. I know weird, right? Un-American? Yes sir. I don't know what it is but I can't stand it. I don't eat hamburgers, I don't have it in spaghetti any shape or form. (I do love spaghetti with marinara and Mizithra cheese)  I definitely do not eat ground beef in loaf form, I don't eat any meat in loaf form for that matter. Bread, that is supposed to be in a loaf. Meat in a loaf form? Whose horrible idea was that?

5. I am the only person in my family who doesn't have to wear glasses. This is a wonderful thing (except that growing up I wanted glasesses so badly!) since I seemed to have inherited all of the other "fun" stuff that runs in my family.

6. Along with chapstick I am addicted to lotion. I have to use it when I get out of the shower. I have to put it on my hands and feet before I go to bed. I can't stand it if my hands or feet feel dry.

7. I like to make lists. How great does it feel to have a list and then mark something off? The only problem is that I really need to learn to actually do some of the things on my list so I can check them off. I may have a lot of unfinished lists floating around work, home, church.

8. I love to shop for craft supplies. I have SO much scrapbook paper that I really do plan on using someday. I have lots of other craft things that I really should use but first I have to find time to actually craft. I think I actually have a problem. I just keep buying paper and embellishments and putting them in my craft room somewhere. Yes folks I have a whole room devoted to crafts.

9. Ok this one may make me unpopular with a lot of people but I really don't like Nutella. I have tried so hard but I just can't get myself to like it. It is weird because I like the things that are in it. Chocolate...good, Hazelnut...good. On my toast....bad. I even like the other chocolate hazlenut things that Ferrero puts out, hello Ferrero Rocher at Christmas. get. in. my. mouth! Maybe I will have to keep trying it, but right now I don't get it.

10. I need to end on an even number! Sweet Tooth Fairy, ever been there? Oh My Gosh! You guys I think they seriously put crack in their sweet treats. I crave, to the point that my mouth waters,  I crave their VaNiella Squared cupcake. Yes I know it is just a vanilla cupcake with white frosting but what ever they put in that frosting makes me weak in the knees. I think that I may need to make a visit there sometime today.

So that's a little bit more about me since I am sure you were all just dying to hear about my weird quirks.

New Year (a month or two late)

I hope everyone that still reads this blog has realized that in "Jen World" posting something soon means 6+ months later.

I thought about doing a recap of the past 6 months but I honestly can't remember that far back. All I remember is girl's camp and working 60 hour work weeks. I was busy and tired. Adam and I also celebrated 6 years of wedded bliss.

No baby yet. We took a few months off this summer since we were so busy and funds were a little tight. We started back at the doctor in November and are very hopeful.

I really have no reason for being MIA just that I have not felt like blogging much and there really has not been a whole lot to blog about.

Original Post from sometime in January ha!......

Yay for a new year! I love it when that clock strikes midnight (even if I am half asleep). There is just something about a fresh start. A new year to try new things or make great changes. Sure resolutions don't always work out but it sure is nice to start the year out strong and with goals and plans to make me feel some-what productive for a few weeks.

The hubby and I did start off strong beginning with New Year's Day. We decided this year we wanted to get our house clean and organized. We started with the basement. We ended up getting rid of 3 bags of trash and taking a whole truck load of stuff to the DI. It feels fantastic to have one area done, just a whole house to go. Some how we have accumulated a bunch of junk that for one reason or another we have held on to, but no more! Good-bye junk, good-bye clothes that I will never fit into, good-bye to all  of it!

I am ready for my new, fresh start! Here's to hopefully another productive month and a great new year.

Catching Up

I just wanted to check in with anyone who still reads this :) I am sorry for the lack of posts lately.

This has been a crazy couple of months!! My time has been filled with:

Girls's Camp,Work, Birthdays, Girl's Camp, Youth Conference, Other church obligations, Girl's Camp, Swimming and did I mention Girl's Camp?

Today and tomorrow are super busy at work, boo month end! I am hoping to be able to post and get caught up on life this week sometime.

See you in a few days!

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Things have been a little depressing around here lately and that is not cool.

Thank you for all of the love and support on my last post. The day I take my pregnancy test is usually the worst and then I am ok. I would have deleted that post but that was how I was feeling that day, true and honest emotion. Someday when my kids are crying and I feel like I can't do it anymore I will look back on these posts and remember all of the pain and heartache that we experienced to get our little miracle(s) here and realize how grateful I am for everyday with my kids even when they are driving me crazy! I am feeling back to "normal" with the addition of fertility medication, but if that is my new normal for a while then so be it. We are on cycle number 3 this month and I am feeling very hopeful and trying to think positively so wish us luck.

Ok enough fertility talk. What have we been up to?

*  I am still super busy with Young Women's. We are trying to plan Girl's Camp right now which has occupied a lot of my time, but I think we are going to have an amazing four days with our girls so it will be worth it.
*  I am in a new position at work that I started this month. I am now in our Suspense department. I won't go into details but so far I like it a lot and I don't get quite as much anxiety as I used to in funding so that is a nice change.
*  Hubby is still keeping busy with his calling as 1st counselor in the Sunday school presidency. He does a great job at his calling and serves with some amazing people
*  Adam is still at his same job, he is great at it but I know he is ready for a change. We have talked about him going back to school and I think that is where he is headed this fall, we are excited!

The last few weekends have been fun and relaxing and I am grateful for the warm weather to come. Plus one of my favorite holidays is on it's way, the 4th of July! I could probably do a whole post on the 4th, which I may.

We have been busy painting, planting flowers, going to movies and just spending some great time together. I am hoping that we can get these doctor bills paid off and maybe take a vacation because we haven't had one in so long and it is desperately needed.

This is kind of a random post but I am kind of a random person so it all makes sense. 

Infertility BOO!

Today I am sad. It's the end of the road again. I don't know what to do now. Do we keep throwing money at this and hope for a miracle or do we take a break, pay things off and start all over, which means it will probably take even longer. We are running out of money and I am running out of strength.
Last month I told myself it's ok just pick yourself up because you can do hard things! Next month will be the month. You can make it through this. Now, I am not so sure.
Maybe I should have tried to be more positive, maybe I need to speak kinder about those around me, maybe I am not worthy to have one of God's precious spirits in our home, maybe this whole baby thing isn't meant for us.
So here I was today, hopeful, anxious, waiting. Waiting for the call on my blood test where they tell me once again that we are not pregnant. "Your test came up NEGATIVE, I'm so sorry Jennifer." Waiting to hear that my body failed. I'm waiting for a miracle, I'm waiting for the pain and heartbreak to go away, but it never does. I feel like I am waiting for the impossible and that makes me feel like a fool. What can we do but wait? "Faith in the Lord means faith in his timing." I thought I had faith but I am starting to feel my faith waver. When is it going to be our turn?
You know what really sucks!? We were supposed to have a baby this month, but instead my body failed and I miscarried that baby last August. I know I shouldn't dwell and what's done is done but I don't know how much more I can handle.
I want so badly to go back to normal. Normal now is Period, Ultrasound, 50 mg of Clomid for days 3-7, Estrace, another ultrasound, HCG trigger shot, 2 weeks of waiting. All of this for someone to call and tell me it didn't work again. Then we start over.
The doctor wanted to try for 4-6 months and then we will reevaluate. I sure hope a miracle happens in the next 1-2 months because we can't afford the other options.
I don't want to give up because who knows how long it will take if we stop now. If we stop it will take longer for the medicine to build up again and that means even more months of heart ache and disappointment.
What do we do now?

I'm sorry for the disappointing post lately but this is my emotionally state lately.

You know what this week is Infertility Awareness week and how ironic that this week would once again make me very aware of my infertility.