I hope that you have found everything that I posted so far this week helpful, insightful or at least a little interesting. For today I am going to do something a little different. I asked the hubby to write a little bit about how our infertility affects him or his thoughts and feelings. Everything below is his thoughts and feelings. He is the best so show him some comment love!!
I once told a
group of friends that infertility is like gambling, you throw all this money at
the problem in hopes to hit the all mighty JACKPOT! “May the odds be ever in
your favor ” as Effie Trinket would say.
My name is Adam,
and my wife asked me to write about my perspective with infertility. So here we
go.
One thing is for
sure I know way too much about the women’s anatomy than I ever cared to know
about. What happen to, this is first base, these are second base, and this is
third base? Put them together and what do you get? Home run baby! Now it’s
just……….. Complicated. Coitus or “intercourse” as the Doc says, is scheduled,
timed, every other day, and sometimes twice a day. Never thought I’d ever
complain about twice a day. It cracks me up how my friends say how lucky I am.
Yeah but at this point I feel more like a milking cow rather than a man getting
some sweet, sweet, loving. Grrrrrrrrrr.
I have to laugh,
Who ever thought I’d see the day were I be keeping track of my wife’s monthly
cycle. Ha! Man if I only I could go back to the days of when my Xbox became
my new best friend for 5 to 7 days once a month. Now its, have you started? You’re
late, I know it. Take a test! My poor wife, how she puts up with it I will
never know. Treatments are a hard part for me, watching my wife pump herself
full of hormones. Running for the hills when she has a mood swing, most of the
ladies I talk to about it just say, “ At least you’ll know how she will be
pregnant “. Yeah but at least there is a baby involved, this is just hormone
over load with nothing to look forward to.
The truest and
hardest part of this whole thing is the dreaded phone call after going in to
have blood work done to see if treatments worked.
We arrive 8:15 my
wife hops out of the car, as I say a pray in my heart, “ please God let this be our day
“ I sit in the waiting room as she is in the back, my hands are clammy, cold.
Another couple sits next me, I wonder how far they are into their treatments, or
is this their first time? The TV on the wall has Plant Earth on the screen; I
swear it’s the same disc every time I come in, and why is it always the mating
seen playing?
She exits from the
back and takes my hand giving it a hard squeeze, her arm is wrapped in pink, with
a cotton ball over the punctured area, we exit the building. I help her in the
car then take my place at the wheel; the ride is quiet as we head to work we
dare not speak. I arrive at work first, we embrace, say our goodbye and I watch
her drive away. Hope is on her face, I see it as she leaves, I wish I could say
the same for me.
The time creeps
bye, damn the clock! I swear its ticking back wards. I wait, I pray, I hope. When will they call
with the results? Ding! My phone has a text, dang just a friend. Then it rings,
it’s my wife, my heart stops. I answer “Hi honey” the words barely leave my
lips………….. “Its negative” the words ring through my ears… “I’m sorry honey, I’m
sorry”. “ Maybe next time,” she says. “Are you ok “? I ask. “I’ll be ok”
silence follows “ I love you “ I love you too” click.
I curse God, ask forgiveness
from him, and then plead with him. The day cannot end soon enough. My wife
arrives to pick me up; her tear-stained cheeks speak a thousand words. The car
ride home is quiet, bits of chatter of maybe next time, and if we put this much
money aside we should be able to try again. Night comes but there is no rest,
another attempt to bring the gift of life to the world and our family ,gone.
To all the men who
go through this, remember you are your wife’s rock!
Their firm foundation, it is hard
but it is harder for them, and you and I need to be the support in these times.
Our wives hold the greatest gift of all, to bring new life into this world and
to become a mother. Nobody understands this better than God and her.
To
my wife and all the women who are going through this, stay strong, stay
positive, and don’t give up on yourself. You are something special, someone who
truly cares, you are someone worth fighting for.
I hope this helps those who read
it.
